Civility Works

It makes for depressing reading, another study on incivility, revealing the cumulative effects of a growing trend of rudeness. A litany of customers lost, productivity sacrificed, anxiety caused, jobs quit, sick days taken, costs to society, business and our own well-being, all due to our incivility to one another.


Little Wildfires

The way on rude act begets another, reminds me of the wildfires that ravaged the west several summers ago. Tinder dry conditions eased the spread of fiery devastation. Like a chain reaction little flare-ups caused more flare-ups.

Our incivilities, just like little sparks, can seem so insignificant and minor. Look at what three items topped the list of workplace incivilities in one study (by the University of North Carolina).

1. People who don't hold doors open for others
2. People who enter elevators without allowing others to exit or fail to move to the rear
3. People who don’t acknowledge others or greet them when they meet

Although these may seem like pretty trivial items, not only does this sort of workplace rudeness cause stress and negatively effect productivity, but it is alarmingly self-replicating. Almost 50% of those complaining about incivility in others, actually admitted to acting rude themselves. Where does it end? More importantly where does it start?


A rudeness infected person


For many of us, it starts innocuously enough on the drive to work. We get cut off by another driver, which transforms us into a simmering "rudeness infected" person who then ignores our coworkers' "good mornings", is crabby all day and ends up taking it out on the kids and kicking the dog when we get home.

Our actions and reactions are like glowing embers spreading with a breeze, igniting those who suffer contact with us throughout the day. Another spark and watch out, suddenly a towering inferno.


We've all got lots of excuses


Oh, we've all got lots of excuses for our minor rudeness, not just the hot dry weather but legitimate excuses, honest:

1. Our parents are to blame, they didn't teach us no manners.
2. Computers and e-mail are to blame, because we don't get enough face time with people.
3. We're too busy, too tired, too casual, too stressed, and too self-centred.

The Smokey the Bear approach


Whatever the reason, it’s tough to put out the fires and maybe we shouldn’t try. Maybe we should take the Smokey the Bear approach. Remember Smokey? He used to scare the dickens out of me when I was a kid. He used to point to me out of the TV and declare, “Remember – Only You can prevent forest fires!” Only me? That used to keep me up at night. I was only 7 years old, how could I prevent all those forest fires.
Ok, now I know he didn’t mean just me in particular, but we all have to do our part and he was right about prevention. An ounce of prevention is worth a kilogram of cure. The way to curb incivility is to prevent it’s spread. When it happens towards us, we should dampen it down, not allow it to fan out and multiply.
If the majority of examples of rudeness seem minor, the acts of incivility to counter them can seem minor too, but they have the power to lighten our whole day. Remember how you feel when someone you don’t know actually lets you merge into the traffic and waves back at you. That good feeling lasts and spreads. We can do so many small proactive things to prevent rudeness and promote civility.

In our businesses you can:

1. Say please and thank you often (especially if you’re the boss)
2. Acknowledge good work (even when you think it’s their job anyway)
3. Acknowledge everyone you pass in the hallway (not get into conversations with each of them, jus a hi or a smile)
4. Refill the coffee maker (quite sneaking the last cup of coffee)

 

In our communities you can:

1. Pick up after your dog (woof-woof, good owner).
2. Treat all service employees with respect (McJobs aren’t always easy and McHappy).
3. Talk to and meet your neighbors (maybe you’ll need a favour or be able to do one for them).
4. Shovel a little bit of your neighbor’s walk too (see above).
   

Civility costs nothing


It's not about being Mother Teresa or being perfect. It's about trying to do a lot of little things a little better. That makes the difference. Change yourself and don't worry about everyone else changing. When it comes to others, remember, the behaviour you reward is the behaviour you end up with. So don't complain about those #@*#^ teenagers. Just make sure if one of them holds a door open for you, that you acknowledge and thank them.

The good news is this civil attitude costs little or nothing to implement yet it pays big dividends for all of us with happier employees, happier customers, happier bosses, spouses, kids and communities. A certain Lady Mary Wortley Montagu once said, "Civility costs nothing and buys everything." Well who knows? And they say you can't buy happiness.

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This article was provided by Terry Pithers and Joanne Blake, business dining, image and etiquette experts, speakers and creators of the Dining for Success Video Online Training Program.
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