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Issue #5 |
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Style & Substance Secrets a monthly tip sheet. The resource for business professionals to improve credibility and bottom line, through your image, etiquette, dining and social skills.
Click link at bottom of page for your free subscription or forward it to a colleague.
In this issue:
- Demeanor Dear Joanne & Terry Q&A
- Dining - Dress
We will answer your dress, dining or demeanor questions
More valuable resources and previous newsletters
Use our articles for your newsletters or BBs
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About Style for Success
Joanne Blake & Terry Pithers can help your organization and your people improve their personal image and social skills to build crediblity and inspire stronger business relationships.
Specializing in business dress, demeanor & dining, we add enjoyable, unique content to your training, conferences, retreats and in-house seminars.
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GEORGE CLOONEY DOES IT & SO CAN YOU
- Four Tips to Double Your Charisma Quotient
One of our guilty pleasures is the Academy Awards. Our 6-hour Oscar watching marathon starts at the red carpet where we noticed that many stars lost their glow in these unscripted interviews. But a few, like George Clooney, really stood out. It wasn't physical beauty that made George shine out from the glittering Hollywood crowd. It was charisma. Magnetic charm The dictionary describes charisma as special magnetic charm or appeal that inspires enthusiasm, interest or affection in others. Have you met someone who you would describe as charismatic? What is it they do that makes them different? The often-described trait of charismatic people is their ability to make others feel like the most important person in the world.
Charisma Quotient Builders:
1. The eyes have it Most people break eye contact a bit too quickly after meeting others. When you speak to someone, looking them in the eye validates them and makes them feel heard. As a general guideline, you want to look at someone long enough to notice their eye colour before looking away.
If you sense that the person is uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact, then break it from time to time. When you're talking to a small group, make sure you engage everyone with eye contact. If this is difficult for you, then work at sharing one thought per person.
As a listener, consciously use eye contact to demonstrate active listening. Coupled with the occasional head nod and leaning forward will convey interest, attention and respect.
2. Ditch your poker face Are you one of those people who frown or has a poker face when taking in information? This can make you appear negative and less approachable. Smiles communicate warmth, pleasure, delight and self-esteem. Yet this seemingly simple expression doesn't come naturally for everyone. (Click to see some real old boy poker faces)
We've worked with more than one client to help them change their grimace to a smile. A very simple technique to self assess is to place a mirror by your phone. This will give you a good sense of how you might come across face to face and help you work on opening your expression. As a bonus, the warmth of your smile will increase the charisma of your voice, even over the phone.
3. Them, them, them, then you The mistake that many of us make upon meeting a new acquaintance is to tell them all about ourselves. The immutable law of connecting with others is this; people don't care that much about you at the outset until you express interest in them.
So focus the attention on them, their interests, their business, and their passions and as rapport is established, they will begin to demonstrate a keener interest in you.
4. The Buddhist way The Dalai Lama once talked about how he tries to feel love for everyone he encounters. He doesn't focus on their failings or differences but greets their potential, the Buddha that they will become. (Click to see the Dalai Lama's website)
It's important to exercise these traits with everyone you meet, not just people you admire or agree with. Shine your light on everyone. Does increasing your charisma quotient take some effort? You bet, but that is just another reason why it will make you will stand out from the crowd.
You are worth it So the next time you come across someone you feel is charismatic, analyze what they are doing differently that draws you to them. Then work on adding these traits to your interactions until they become second nature. That way, when George Clooney meets you, George will be the one thinking, Wow, what a charismatic person!   DEAR JOANNE & TERRY Q&A
Q. - Do You Have to Order What Your Host Suggests?
My colleague, Shannon and I were guests at a recent business lunch and Tom, the host, suggested the prime rib was excellent. Shannon, who is on a diet, ordered a lighter chicken dish but I thought it might be rude to ignore the host's suggestion. So even though I secretly would have liked the chicken, I ordered the prime rib. Who was right, Shannon or myself? What was the correct etiquette for this situation?
- Menu Miffed in Manitoba
A. You could have had the chicken too. The dining etiquette rule is that you don't have to follow the host's menu recommendation.
But Tom was right to make a menu suggestion. A savvy host should always do so for two reasons. The first reason is fairly obvious; they're letting you know what's a good choice, which is handy if guests are not familiar with the restaurant. The second reason is subtler. The host is giving you a clue as to the price range you could confidently order.
It would be a major faux pas to order something much more expensive than the suggestion, say the lobster at market price (code phrase for mucho expensive and also a bad choice for business dining - never order anything that requires a bib).
So while you do not have to order what the host recommends, if you're dining one-on-one, especially with a new contact, you will subconsciously build more rapport by following their suggestion.
- Terry
P.S. - Our Dining for Business & Social Success DVD explores ordering strategies and demonstrates hundreds of other tips to guarantee your business and social dining is as productive and enjoyable as it should be. Available this fall. Contact us to be placed on the waiting list for this essential business resource.
Q. - Corsages and Boutonnieres for Your Special Events
We recently attended a formal event where our team was the recipient of an award. When we arrived the organizers presented us with corsages/boutonnieres to identify us as award winners at the function.
Can you clarify what the appropriate etiquette would be for both men and women for future? - Corsage Concerned in Calgary
A. What a nice touch for an awards night or client appreciation reception. Flowers add emphasis to any occasion (Terry and other spouses take note). A small flower adornment such as a boutonniere (the masculine version) or a corsage is worn on the left side. Just under the shoulder of the dress for women or on the lapel of a jacket. (Nametags, if provided, are worn on the right).
Flowers should be angled away from the face with stem pointing down and pinned so that so they don't distract attention from the face or impale anyone.
- Joanne
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. - Fran Lebowitz
Style is an expression of individualism mixed with charisma. - John Fairchild
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, - Molly McGee 
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